Stress management in leadership
Leadership is stressful.
Not only that, as leaders, you often receive and take on the stress of your exec team, your direct reports, your board members, your clients, and your beneficiaries. This can harm your health, leadership of others and the health and well-being of those you lead.
A 2022 study by the American Psychiatric Association revealed that around three-quarters of American adults have experienced health impacts due to stress. These impacts include headaches, fatigue, anxiety, and depression.
At the same time, a 2022 Deloitte study found that one-third of executives are constantly struggling with fatigue, stress, and feeling overwhelmed, lonely, or depressed; the result is record numbers of CEO resignations.
And that’s just the impact stress has on you. Your stress also directly affects your teams and ripples through your organisations.
“Managers and leaders directly affect their employees’ stress and anxiety levels. What they say, feel, and do hugely influences their team’s physical and emotional well-being.” - HBR, 2020
So, if stress in leadership is so pervasive and has such a detrimental effect on our health, teams, and organisations, then stress management has become a critical leadership skill.
Many of my clients think stress management is all about self-care, which they often find very hard to prioritise. This blog aims to broaden our thinking and make stress management more realistic and accessible to all of us.
The brain under stress
The starting point for stress management is an awareness of the physiological stress response.
When we feel stressed, we awaken the sympathetic nervous system and send cortisol coursing through our body, signalling threat(s) in our environment and kicking us into ‘survival mode’.
The biological response in our body is the same whether we are being pursued by a bear, dreaming about being kidnapped by zombies or worried about underperformance in an area of our business.
The stress response impairs the prefrontal cortex (where we do all our rational thinking) and the body’s ability to regulate itself. When our resources are dedicated to addressing stress, our ability to think clearly, make decisions and solve problems are all impacted.
We defend, we explain, we blame others, we retreat, we avoid. We become less attentive to cues from our team members and the emotional needs of the people around us. For more on this, check out my Self-awareness in Leadership blog.
So, if this happens when we are under stress, then ‘stress management’ includes everything we do that helps us recalibrate the nervous system – ignite the parasympathetic branch, release DHEA and bring the prefrontal cortex back online.
When we have this awareness, we are more likely to notice when we are stressed and better able to do something about it. It allows us to pause, step out of autopilot, and proactively choose what we do next.
For more on this fascinating topic, check out Richard Davidson’s work. This podcast episode with Daniel Goleman is a great place to start.
Presence, intention and attention
One of the most significant stressors of our time is the impulse to ‘multitask’. Myth alert - there is no such thing as multitasking! What we are doing is task switching at speed. It has a detrimental impact on our mental health, and is an act of neglect to those we are in relation with.
When was the last time you were in a meeting and only in that meeting - not on another device or in your head thinking about what came before or what happens next?
When did you last focus on a piece of work without checking in on emails, MS Teams chat, Slack or WhatsApp?
When was the last time you ate lunch and just ate lunch? Personally, I think about food all the time, except when I am eating!
When we operate in this ‘busy mode’; we programme our brains and bodies to be hypervigilant, i.e. on alert for threats – remember the cortisol? The nervous system doesn’t get a chance to recalibrate.
One of the most powerful ways to reduce our stress levels is to get clear on our intention with each moment of the day and to practise bringing our attention to our intention.
Before starting a task, entering a meeting, or transitioning to another part of your day, ask yourself: “What is my deepest intention?”
Then, practice noticing the pull to distractions away from your intention and return to it.
The benefits are:
Higher quality thinking, more considered decisions, increased productivity.
Less rumination & anticipatory worry, lower anxiety levels, and better mental health.
People around us feel seen, heard and considered; their motivation and productivity increase.
Boundaries
Boundaries are guidelines we set for ourselves that help shape the behaviours and habits that enable us to achieve our goals in life. If one of our goals is to experience less stress, then boundaries are essential.
For example, a boundary can be: “I don’t start a new initiative without knowing what I will stop doing” or “I don’t check my email after 6 pm and before 9 am so that I can disconnect from work and be present with my family.”
Exhaustion, frustration, resentment, stress, and disconnection from colleagues and loved ones are all signs of a lack of boundaries.
Setting and maintaining boundaries is something many leaders struggle with – the reasons are complex and often lie in the subconscious beliefs we hold about ourselves and the world around us.
However, a good place to start is to consider what matters most to you in life and at work.
What do you want to achieve with your life?
What is important to you?
What is your role and purpose in your organisation?
What is it that you, and only you, can do?
What are the values you want to live by?
Once we know our priorities, we can start thinking about the boundaries we need to hold.
Then, we need a constant cycle of practice and reflection to keep us on track. We can learn to notice when we fail to hold our boundaries, practice self-compassion and curiosity and reset, ready to go again.
The benefits are:
Less resentment – Resentment manifests an unmet need, usually due to a boundary being crossed (consciously or unconsciously). For more on resentment, check out this article.
More fulfilment – Time better spent on things that matter.
More confidence and higher self-esteem – When we hold our boundaries, we tell ourselves that we matter and deserve our needs to be met.
Acceptance, self-compassion and forgiveness
As a leader, you are:
Never going to get to the bottom of your ‘to-do’ list
Going to make mistakes
Going to upset and disappoint people
So much energy gets dedicated to avoiding these inevitabilities, which are such big stressors for all leaders I work with. What’s often overlooked is that the bulk of the stress doesn’t come from these things in and of themselves – the stress comes from worrying about them.
If we accept a mistake for what it is - a fundamental part of the human condition, it is less likely to affect our health and leadership than if we associate a profound meaning with the mistake. For example: “If I make a mistake, it means I am not good at my job.”
So, to reduce the impact of these inevitabilities on our stress levels, we can practice acceptance, self-compassion and forgiveness.
Acceptance – Stop wishing for things to be different to what they are, accept the status quo and do the next right thing.
Self-compassion – Notice moments of suffering, give ourselves the compassion we give loved ones and talk to ourselves kindly.
Forgiveness – When we accept imperfection and offer ourselves compassion, we can forgive ourselves for our mistakes.
The benefits are:
Less energy is spent worrying about the things we cannot control
More energy available for problem-solving and moving forward
More learning, growth and resilience – challenges enhance rather than diminish us
For more guidance on boundaries, check out this article.
Self-care
There’s no avoiding the topic of self-care when we are talking about stress management. Whilst no one will deny its importance, leaders struggle with this. That’s why it’s helpful to break it down.
We all need three categories of self-care to manage our stress and avoid burnout.
Micro – Short breaks or movement every few hours throughout the day. For me, micro-breaks include making a cup of tea without looking at my phone, deep breathing for 60 seconds between meetings or tasks, standing in the sun with my eyes closed, and (10 mins) meditation before bed.
Mezzo - Regular activities during the week that help you rest and reset. For me, running, yoga, family dinner, weekly reflection (30 mins), TV time, and reading in bed are necessary features of my week that help keep stress levels down.
Macro - Longer periods to disconnect and recharge. For me, weekends are work-free zones, except for the occasional piece of writing. I also have a radical self-care day every month or so and aim for a week off every three months at least. Since starting my business, I’ve taken the whole of August off work every summer.
Self-care also looks different for different people because what energises one person will be a stressor for another. Working out what gives you energy and soothes your nervous system is vital.
The benefits are:
More energy and patience to help us face all the daily challenges of leadership
More curiosity and compassion for those around us - employees feel safe and empowered
More perspective and balance across all areas of life - we experience more joy and contentment
The challenge, as always, lies in implementation. We often find it so hard to do what we know is good for us. Behaviour change is hard. For insights into why this is, check out this blog.
So, we start small. Which of these feels most challenging to you? Which feels easier? To get started, why not pick one area to work on with intention over the course of a week and see what happens?
If you’re curious about what it would be like to work on some of this through coaching, let’s chat and see if I am the right coach for you.