The problem with leaders is that they are human: Why investing in being better humans makes us better leaders
We often forget that behind the title of "leader" is a human being. A person influenced by their history, shaped by their culture, driven by their biases, their innate need for belonging and control, who takes neurological shortcuts in the form of assumptions and judgments. In many ways, the very qualities that make us human are the same ones that challenge our effectiveness as leaders.
The vast majority of the themes that come up in coaching, the things that get in the way or limit my clients’ ability to live and lead well, have to do with the human condition. The same goes for me!
This blog attempts to normalise the experience of being human in leadership. By building our awareness and our ability to be present, we can proactively choose the best of what our common humanity has to offer us.
The human struggle: What gets in the way
1. We are influenced by our history
We all carry the imprint of our past with us, whether we realise it or not. Our upbringing, culture, past relationships, successes, failures, and traumas shape how we perceive the world. These experiences form biases and patterns of thinking that influence our decision-making, often without conscious awareness. This history can act like a pair of tinted glasses, subtly affecting how we interpret new information, approach challenges, and interact with others.
When left unchecked, these biases:
Create blind spots
Lead to repeated mistakes
Are the root of a lot of miscommunication and misunderstanding.
Have you ever left a meeting thinking that everyone is on the same page only to realise days or weeks later that everyone in the room had a different interpretation of what was said and agreed?
Effective leaders are those who acknowledge their past, understand how it influences them, and actively work to challenge those limiting patterns.They balance the wisdom gained from the past with the openness to seeing the present as it may be from multiple perspectives.
2. We are self-referenced
It’s human nature to view the world from our own perspective, often using our own experiences as the primary point of reference. We evaluate others' behaviours, intentions, and choices based on what we would do in a given situation, which can create misunderstandings and lead to conflict.
Great leadership requires a conscious effort to step outside of oneself, to listen deeply, and to be curious about other perspectives even when they differ significantly from our own. Great leaders notice and check their assumptions by asking questions and inviting challenge when they may be limiting themselves and others because of their perspective.
3. We yearn to belong
Humans are inherently social creatures. We desire connection, validation, and acceptance, which can sometimes lead us to abandon or adjust our core values in order to be accepted.
In the pursuit of belonging, we may:
Suppress our true thoughts
Conform to group norms, even when they don’t align with our authentic selves
Hold back from offering developmental feedback or making necessary but unpopular decisions.
This yearning can create inner conflict, leading to feelings of resentment, inadequacy, or even burnout.
In leadership, the challenge is to balance the desire to be part of the group with the courage to speak up and maintain integrity, even when it’s uncomfortable or unpopular. Great leaders stand firm in their values while fostering genuine connections, even if it means facing rejection or standing alone. They find the balance between seeking perspectives and being open to challenge and standing true to what they believe in.
4. We make assumptions and hold judgements
Our brains are wired to make take shortcuts and make quick judgments to save energy. So, we often fill in the gaps when we don't have complete information. While this is a necessary and efficient function, it also leaves room for error.
Assumptions are particularly problematic in leadership because they can:
Cloud judgement
Reinforce biases
Hinder our ability to ask the right questions
Cause leaders to misinterpret motives, misjudge capabilities, or miss out on opportunities for growth and understanding.
Great leaders resist the urge to assume and instead adopt a mindset of curiosity and inquiry.
We are quick to categorise people and situations to make sense of the world, and this tendency often results in snap judgments. These judgments can limit our ability to see people as they are because we filter them through our past experiences and biases.
In leadership, holding on to fixed judgments can prevent us from seeing the potential in others, limit collaboration, and create a culture of exclusion rather than inclusion.
Effective leaders work to recognise and release these assumptions and judgments, choosing instead to focus on curiosity and understanding. They build a habit of pausing, noticing and choosing curiosity.
5. We want certainty and control
Humans are wired to seek safety, which often translates into a craving for predictability and control. Brassey et. al (2022) explore this beautifully and in detail in their book: Deliberate Calm: How to Lear and Lead in a Volatile World. The unknown can trigger anxiety and stress, leading us to cling to what is familiar—even if it’s not serving us well. This desire for certainty invites leaders to avoid risks, micromanage, or struggle with delegation.
Great leadership involves embracing uncertainty, being open to change, and learning to let go of the need to control everything. Great leaders learn to lean into discomfort, tolerating ambiguity, and trusting people and process to be creative. They see their role as facilitators and multipliers of human potential in others. For more on this, explore the work of Liz Wiseman in her book, Multipliers: How the Best Leaders Make Everyone Smarter.
Being human as a superpower: How to leverage it to live and lead well
Great leadership is about using our humanity—flaws, strengths, vulnerabilities—as a source of power. It requires overcoming natural instincts that can hinder effective leadership and turning them into assets that foster deeper connection, trust, and innovation.
Here’s how:
Harnessing vulnerability: Acknowledging our own fears, mistakes, and uncertainties invites others to do the same, creating a culture of psychological safety where people feel free to take risks, voice concerns, and grow.
Transforming fear into curiosity: Where there is fear, there is often potential for curiosity. Shifting from “What if I fail?” to “What can I learn here?” transforms fear into a catalyst for growth. I wrote recently about what Adam Grant calls ‘thinking like a scientist’ which is the mindset where each decision is viewed as an experiment. It may succeed or it may fail but it’s not about me.
Using imperfection to build connection: Trying to be perfect is isolating; acknowledging imperfection is unifying. Leaders who embrace their own humanity make it easier for others to bring their full selves to work, fostering genuine engagement and collaboration.
Leading with empathy and integrity: It’s human to want to be right and to control outcomes, but leading with empathy requires moving beyond those impulses. Empathy doesn’t mean agreeing with everyone—it means understanding others deeply and leading with that understanding. This builds loyalty and trust in a way that rigid control never can. It opens the door for leaders to stand true to their values when they need to make unpopular decisions without sabotaging culture.
Seeing leadership as an evolution, not a destination: Just as being human is a journey of growth, leadership is an ongoing evolution. The best leaders are those who view themselves not as finished products but as works in progress—continually learning, adapting, and striving to be better.
As a coach, I try to practise and model all of the above with my clients and in my life. It is definitely not the easy option but, for me, after a lifetime of being driven by my sub-conscious, it has become the only one worth living.
By recognising and embracing our humanity—not as a hindrance but as a superpower—we can live and lead in ways that are authentic, inspiring, and truly impactful. So it is what makes us imperfectly human that gives us the capacity to lead with heart, wisdom, and resilience.
If any of this feels familiar and you want a person-centred, relational coach to walk beside you as you lean into your superpowers, send me a message and we can explore what it might be like to work together.