Why do people work so hard?
As a species, we were built for cycles of action and rest. All our systems: digestive, cardiovascular, endocrine, reproductive, nervous, lymphatic, inflammatory, etc., are built to manage and support bursts of action followed by periods of rest and restoration. For millennia, this is how we have operated.
Nowadays, we resist ‘rest’ in favour of continuous action, putting strain and stress on all our internal systems. It is seriously harming our relationships, our health and our happiness.
Relentless hard work, busyness, and being always ‘on’ has become the norm for most of the leaders I work with.
So, if we know all this, why do we do it?
When we start to unpack the reasons why, leaders often cite the sheer volume of work. I hear a lot of:
“If I don’t work like this, things don’t get done.”
“People need things from me to get on with their work. I don’t want to hold them back.”
“If I don’t keep up, I’ll get so far behind that I’ll lose control. I’m always on the back foot.”
“I’m not as efficient, experienced, knowledgeable [insert choice of adjective] as others. I need to work twice as hard to get the same amount done.”
But, when we dive a little under the surface, we uncover more than the ‘to-do’ list in the driving seat.
This blog consolidates all that I have learned in working with leaders since starting my business, offering one perspective on “Why people work so hard.”
The structural reality of modern life
There’s no denying the increase in demands on individuals to perform more tasks and take on more responsibilities than ever before. And when we do, we are rewarded for it, so we learn to keep doing it! This shift has seeped into our lives and become normalised - and not only in the workplace.
Advancements in technology have significantly impacted our habits, exponentially so during the Covid crisis. Expectations (from others and ourselves) to be always available, whether through emails, phone calls, or instant messaging, means that there is no clear boundary between work and our personal lives. We have to actively create one in a way we didn’t before.
In my opinion, this structured reality is an enabler and accelerator of how hard people work rather than the root cause.
Personal and psychological factors
On a personal level, many of us, often subconsciously, choose to stay busy (unpopular opinion, perhaps?) to fill a deeper human need – a need to be helpful, valued, and appreciated. In other words, a need to be needed. Dig a little deeper and we often find a need to feel worthy of:
Our role
Our lives
To be here
Gabor Mate describes it perfectly when he says: “I was so busy proving my worth, I forgot to play.”
Glennon Doyle speaks of our compulsive ‘scorekeeping’, where we constantly measure our worth by how much we accomplish – all built on the belief that productivity is synonymous with personal value. This core belief can manifest in many ways depending on our individual definition of productivity, i.e. how much we earn, how many people we manage, how slim, strong or handsome we are, how well-behaved our children are, and so on.
Our brains sometimes work against us
Our subconscious minds have homed in on meeting our human need to feel good enough and worthy. It becomes incredibly difficult to reorient our attention on what most of us claim is important to us – our relationships with family and friends.
Our inner critic essentially kidnaps our resources. According to neuroscientist, James Doty, in his book, Mind Magic, “the inner critic keeps a stronghold on our salient network, the part of our brain whose job is to decide what is worthy of our attention.”
“The inner critic is the voice telling us we are not good enough to jump off the train of chronic stress into the unknown and unfamiliar that is positive, healing, liberating, and that will ultimately take us to our destination.”
The cultural and societal narrative
We didn’t get to these personal beliefs on our own.
Society is constantly perpetuating the notion that our worth is tied to our productivity. From a young age, many of us are conditioned to believe that being busy and working hard are morally superior traits.
It is part of what gets us to the top of organisations -but it’s not what keeps us there and it’s not what makes us happy in the long term (see below). Personally, it helps me to differentiate between the feeling of relief, joy, and satisfaction from my accomplishments with genuine, long-term happiness and fulfilment.
According to social psychologist, Dr Devon Price, in his book, Laziness Does Not Exist, this belief system comprises three core tenets:
Your worth is your productivity.
You cannot trust your own feelings or limits.
There is always more you could be doing.
If we believe this to be true, then we must also have convinced ourselves that:
If we are not being productive, we are lazy and unworthy.
We must push ourselves beyond our limits to be worthy.
We must keep ‘doing’ until it’s done.
Lies, lies and more lies
Despite the societal push towards constant productivity, evidence from the 85 year Harvard Study of Adult Development tells us that our true sources of happiness and fulfilment lie in our relationships, personal connections, and day-to-day moments of presence and gratitude.
The act of constantly checking tasks off a to-do list can diminish the quality of our interactions and lead to a robotic existence devoid of genuine human connection. You’ll know this if you have ever played with your child because you felt you had to tick it off your ‘to do’ list or go on on a date with your partner because, well, it had been a while, and you probably should (sometimes just so you can get back to work!). Sound familiar? I know I’ve been there…
Busyness also provides a false sense of control. In a world that feels increasingly more chaotic and unpredictable, staying busy can make us feel like we have a handle on our lives. This need for control encourages us to fill every moment with activity – driven by the belief that if I am moving, I am safe.
The challenge of slowing down
Stopping or slowing down can feel incredibly uncomfortable. It forces us to confront the deeper question of what truly makes us ‘okay’.
Without constant busyness, we must re-evaluate our self-worth and identity outside of our accomplishments. We must reframe our deeply held beliefs and rewrite a script that serves us better.
The process doesn’t happen overnight. Learning to trust ourselves and recognise our intrinsic worth is a practice. Neurologically, over time, we can learn to rewire the subconscious patterns that were the true drivers of our old, unwanted behaviours.
It is particularly hard because of where we started – the structural reality of modern life means that at every corner, we are faced with expectations and temptations to fall back into old, more comfortable, ways of being. “I’m just going to empty my inbox and then I’ll feel better.”
So, where do we start?
Willpower is not the answer.
The first step is to recognise the fallacy in equating productivity, whatever that means to you, with self-worth.
We must accept that there will always be more to do and that it's okay to leave some things undone if we are ever to find balance and equanimity.
Embracing and cultivating moments of presence and acknowledging that ‘we are enough just as we are’ are integral aspects of leading a more fulfilling and less stressful life.
Many of my clients worry that if they take this path, they will lose their edge. They are often surprised when they end up achieving more in less time whilst improving the quality of their relationships and their lives.
If this is something you would like to work on for yourself, send me a message and let’s see if I am the right coach for you.